The Fortitude Chronicle: A Weekly Digest of Athletic Determination

Monday Momentum

For the Relentless Mind

How External Conditions Reveal Your Real Identity

An elite athlete sat across from me last week, visibly tense. Just hearing their coach's voice made them lose control.

"I can't stand them. Everything they say pisses me off. I can't perform like this."

This is more common than you think. The player-coach disconnect isn't just frustrating—it's performance-killing. When you can't separate the messenger from the message, you're not just struggling with your coach. You're struggling with yourself.

Here's what most athletes miss: Your reaction to your coach isn't really about your coach.

It's about the gap between who you are and who you want to become.

The Question No One Asks

I asked this athlete something they hadn't considered:

"Did you try to understand your coach's perspective?"

Silence.

Then I asked the real question:

"What would the version of who you want to become do in this situation?"

Not who you are right now—frustrated, reactive, losing control at the sound of their voice.

Who you want to become.

The athlete who doesn't let external conditions dictate internal performance. The athlete who controls what they can control. The athlete who earns respect by being undeniable.

That question changed everything.

Because here's the truth most athletes don't realize: Identity isn't given. It's earned through the accumulation of actions in moments exactly like this one.

The Real Problem

When you can't stand your coach, you're operating from your current identity—the one that's triggered, reactive, and externally controlled.

But elite performers don't build their identity around what happens to them. They build it around how they respond.

Clint Hurdle, former MLB manager, told me something on the podcast that applies here: "Effective coaching requires ensuring players actually hear feedback, not just nod in agreement".

But here's the flip side—effective playing requires hearing feedback even when you hate the person delivering it.

Your coach might be wrong about you. They might be a terrible communicator. They might not understand you at all.

But your response to that situation is the only thing that defines you.

The version of you that loses control at the sound of their voice? That's not the athlete you want to become.

Earning Identity

Identity engineering isn't about positive thinking or motivation. It's about generating processes that bring the person you want to become into the present moment.

Here's how you do it:

Step 1: Separate the person from the process.

Your coach's voice, tone, and personality are irrelevant. What matters is: What are they asking you to do? Strip away the emotion and identify the actual task.

Step 2: Ask the identity question.

Before every interaction with your coach, ask: "What would the version of who I want to become do right now?"

Then do that. Every single time.

Step 3: Stack evidence.

Your identity is built through accumulated evidence. Each time you respond with control instead of reaction, you're becoming that person. Each time you execute despite the external noise, you're earning the identity you claim you want.

Step 4: Reframe the relationship.

Your coach isn't your enemy. They're the resistance that reveals who you really are. Champions don't need perfect conditions. They perform despite the conditions.

The Real Test

The athlete who performs only when they like their coach isn't elite. They're conditional.

The athlete who performs because they've chosen to become someone who doesn't need ideal circumstances? That's earned identity. That's self-authorship.

As I tell my athletes: If you want something to be part of your identity, you have to be willing to pay the price.

The price here? Controlling yourself when everything in you wants to react. Hearing feedback when you hate the messenger. Executing when it's the last thing you want to do.

That's not weakness. That's how you become undeniable.

Try this:

Before your next interaction with your coach, write down one sentence: "The version of who I want to become would __________." Fill in the blank. Then do exactly that. Do it for one week straight and watch what changes—not just with your coach, but with yourself.

Two Quotes

1. “The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

2. “The only way to achieve greatness in life is to have patience, consistency, and discipline.” — David Goggins

Four Posts

To Building Fortitude.

 Best Regards,

Colin Jonov, Founder & CEO Athletic Fortitude